I had lost my virginity to someone who would still mean something to me now.

I mean, he meant something to me back then. But now he seems like a blip in my past. Maybe it’s because we stopped talking after we broke up. Maybe it’s because he wasn’t a good boyfriend to begin with. I don’t regret it. I just sometimes wish it went differently. He didn’t deserve it.

I wish I had given it to the boyfriend before him. Or my current boyfriend, who came a year and a half later. It seems people have such a connection with that person, even after all is said and done. Our relationship pales in comparison to the other guys I have been with. Most definitely to the one I am in now. My current relationship lights up my world. He would have deserved that. But I no longer had it to give.

I kind of wish we stayed in touch. Just as friends. He was a good friend. Now it has been so long that it feels like nothing. Why do such things have to be so complicated?

Sorry… thoughts and feelings.